Passover starts at sundown tonight and Paul & I have been preparing for the holiday. I love the circle of the year, the way we mark the seasons with different holidays, the traditions we have created, the decorations and food we bring out and of course, the being together with people we love. Each holiday also comes with a layered platter providing different themes about life and the world we live in. When I search a bit deeper, I also find opportunities for reflection and self assessment and a chance to reset my priorities and remember my highest aspirations. Passover in particular, has so many metaphors: of course there are those of liberation and freedom; there is appreciating the irrepressible resurgence of spring; and for me, this year, I feel particularly drawn to the essential idea of being open to transition even when the layout and details of the next territory are not 100% clear or necessarily hospitable!
I think of the Hebrews on the verge of getting out of Egypt and some freaking out a bit and wanting to cling to old ways, even if it meant being enslaved, it felt better somehow, at least safer than striking out across the Sea in to the land of the unknown. For me, at this moment, I know there is no way to turn back, that my own freedom & health is predicated on going through the rest of my treatments, so as I look out into these unchartered waters, I do so embracing this unexpected adventure on a trip I did not envision or expect into a land that may have all kinds of unpleasantries in store!
We always told our kids, it's not how you do on a good day…..so I'm lucky that my nature is to be happy & upbeat. Don't worry, I also have my moments where I feel like WHAAAAAA? I'm practiced at having a good cry, stomping around a bit and then moving on. Seems the to-do list is long, I remain organized and efficient, so when I feel knocked down a bit, I pick myself off, shake off the dust and carry on. Thank you for your cheerleading and for your ongoing appreciation of all of me!
I am on the brink of chemotherapy #3/4, beginning my 5 day fast on Friday. (On the eight days of Passover, we avoid all leavened products, I like the timing of my fast-- makes 8 days of matzoh look like the glutton's delight.) In this interim time we snuck in 3 awesome days in Chicago with Jonah, enjoying his peripatetic life among commitments to the Chicago Bulls, the Chicago Sky & his junior year at Lake Forest. We have lunch in Boston tomorrow with Misha & Miss Sophia just sent in her official acceptance to the Master's program in Arts Education at Harvard, beginning this September. Seeing the kids thriving and engaged and so turned on about their lives and their friends, their work and own aspirations does a mother's heart good!
And, I cannot complain about how I feel. Honestly, at this point, I have more energy than most people I know. The house is tidy, the businesses we run are in good shape, Paul & I go dancing whenever we can and have been walking the serene conservation lands in our backyard daily. We are happily spending more time with friends, for meals, for work, for movies & other diversions. I work out, do yoga, meditate & pray most mornings, have finally arrived at full range of motion of my arms and pretty much back to my normal high level of endurance. I am doing board work for my beloved organizations, am plodding away in the garden and am tackling some in-house projects in & out of my art room. Paul and I are thinking about our future, where we want to be in 5 years, in 10 years. Nothing like a little nudge on the back to make those kinds of conversations even more relevant. The main thing I am not doing is seeing many patients (a few do slip in via Skype and phone,) which feels just about right, I am saving most of that healing energy for myself and taking a break from patient care after nearly 30 years, feels just fine.
Love & light,
AMY
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