Dear Friends & Family,
Slicing through warm hotel pool water, doing consecutive laps of freestyle, back stroke & breast stroke, surrounded by tall, rain-green pine trees shimmering in the Seattle rain, I feel like I am in another episode of AMY- SHE'S BACK! Two months since the end of treatment have slid by, happily marked by such points of normalcy, old routines and even some adventure. In ways it seems like there was a crack in my world, the year 2014 fell wholesale into; now it has healed over and I’m not sure I can even locate the crack. Chalk it up to the resilience of the human body, the miracles of conventional medicine especially when coupled with natural medicine support and …..Voila, I'm back, very much like the old Amy, only with curly hair!
I love having a whole lot of energy like I always did, moving this body with pleasure and purpose, walking, dancing, doing yoga, swimming. I love being back in the saddle at work, helping other people find ways to better health, and teaching our students near & far. Of course I also love having time to myself, time for Paul, time for other pursuits, i.e., time NOT running to medical appointments! I have the occasional day where I nap long deep sleeps, which I must still need and rather enjoy. I experience a bit of PTSD, not that anything in particular was so traumatic, except the whole shebang! I am doing some short term, pointed therapy to help my nervous system & my psyche let go of all that. But as my (first time ever) therapist says, I am “well resourced,” and I guess figured out much of this, unbeknownst to me, on my own.
Thank you to everyone who has checked up on me these past weeks. It is a strange phenomenon to go from a pretty constant state of focusing on healing, keeping my eyes on THAT ball, to being free. And in my definition of health there is a whole lot of freedom: freedom from thinking about health, freedom from discomforts or pain, freedom to experience a wide range of emotions in a happy balance. Many of you have asked if I am worried about the cancer coming back. I’m pretty sure that anyone who has had cancer thinks about that, but I’m good at thought stopping and ultimately, I know worrying doesn’t help. I’m clear and calm knowing I did every possible thing in my power to make that not happen. I do not have to change much in my pristine lifestyle, just have to keep it up, which as you know, comes easy for me.
Before I was diagnosed with cancer I had be wondering about my next incarnation in this life, what else I might try or do, experience or create. I put all that on the back burner last year but have found it simmering up front again. I do not know what the future holds, who really does? But I am spending time consciously open to the possibilities and trying to listen in the quiet spaces to the yearnings of my heart.
My birthday is next week on Pi Day (3.14), so have a slice of pie and think of me! I cannot say I am sorry to close the chapter on year 54. That said, though it may not have been my brightest hour, that whole experience shed light on my patience AND my fortitude right nearby my mortality. I don't recommend using this approach to garner such self-knowledge, but!! That twelve-month interlude showcased the incredible, devoted, unwavering man by my side and highlighted the broad & loving community of people that make my life worth living. I am someone who tries to be present & appreciative of my many blessings, and last year, with all its ups & downs, provided endless opportunities for that. I may as well capitalize on perspectives gained and carry some of these new bits of understanding forward. Here’s to a beautiful, long-awaited, reawakening spring for us all; I hope our paths cross soon.
Love & light,