When I have to go to chemo in the morning, I rise early to psych myself up. I stick to my morning routines at the house and take myself for a long walk. Today, a nip of fall in the air, I zipped up a jacket and tied up hiking boots and made my way down Middle Street. I turned left and walked east, face tipped to the warming sun, along the little lane that leads to the beaver pond.
The rickety chairs set alongside the water’s edge were dripping with dew, but I sat down anyway to meditate a bit and take it all in. The morning sun bounced off the water golden & clear; the misty steam rose in billows from the deep green and black of the pond’s surface, mysterious and graceful like swirling clouds moving free. Thousands of spider webs connecting branches to tansy flowers and long grasses to cattails were backlit, water droplets clinging to their silvery threads.
A spider web might provide one of the best metaphorical images around! The strength and resiliency of all those webs, usually not visible, now with their beauty and purpose exposed, called to mind so many things: the interconnectedness of life, the intricacy that goes into so much of what we do, the bravery it requires to both love & create and hopefully the rewards of consistent & hard work. Mostly today, sitting there, I was filled with the power of serenity.
The drugs I had today, Carboplatin and Gemzar, went in without a hitch; I can proudly say I no longer get bent out of shape when there are small inconveniences, discomfort or pain. I suppose I have reframed cancer care into the great teacher on the practice of equanimity. So, it’s one infusion down, eleven to go. I immediately renamed the second medication Gem Star, so I can think of myself as one sparkly gal with connections to the galaxies. This way I can stay bright and aligned and continue to be relevant and compelling to my astronomy-loving husband!
I can also visualize myself as part of a twinkling constellation of family & friends that have made this year tolerable and not without its silver linings. I continue to learn from the generosity of spirit, time, intentionality and material offerings from so many of you-- and there I thought I had that skill-set down! Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts, prayers and positive energy; I feel it all and drink it in right alongside my chemo-elixir, knowing how lucky I am.
Love & light,