I wish you could see me! All dressed every day, loving my new body, going for short outings, welcoming a visitor or two. I am getting stronger and back to myself step by step for which I am deeply grateful. Last night for a blissful hour and likely against doctor's orders, Paul & I went to our dance place and I had a handful of dances, modified with the arms barely moving----oooh it felt divine!
Of course just as I hit my stride, I will begin chemotherapy- right in time for my March 14th, 54th birthday chemo-cake! Some of you have asked why, if I removed both breasts, had negative nodes and clean margins on the tumor, will I use chemotherapy. It's a good question. The idea with chemo is if any wayward cancer cells did manage to slip by the stalwart lymphatic guards of my underarm area, and are trying to set up shop elsewhere, this will find them and stop them in their tracks. In most everything drug related, we look at benefit vs. risk. Because I am otherwise in tip-top shape, young and without other health concerns, the benefit/risk ratio of having chemotherapy leans much more to the benefit side of things.
Chemo also stops lots of healthy cells from growing too, and works because it is toxic, hence some of the unpleasant short term side effects. I am not too worried about these. First of all, it's not that long and if I set my mind to it, I seem to be able to get through discomfort. Luckily, I have lots of good naturopathic approaches to use to help make me more comfortable. I will also work that angle to help prevent some of the more concerning long term side effects from chemo, all of which are dose-dependent. So the less is more theory works well here in my case, too, as the plan is for 4 sessions of chemo, once every three weeks. It's a sure bet I will lose my pretty hair. Darn! I have worked so hard to achieve just the right proportion of salt and pepper! I am going to do try a few progressively shorter cuts over the next few weeks. Why not!? And I think I'll look for a shortie wig in a few months; can't quite rock the babushka look.
I should finish up right around Father's Day, which will be a right nice gift for Paul I would think. This man is too much: sweet, funny, present, supportive and, just like when I was pregnant, will hop out of a cozy, warm bed at any hour of the night to make me a perfect piece of plain toast if that's what I feel like. Think: husband award ceremony.
Oh, one last thing. I know some of you, for weeks on end, were meditating and praying and sending into the universe something to the tune of "Let Amy have negative nodes & smooth-sailing." Thank you for that (and look how well it worked!) If you'd like some new verbiage, here's what I'd ask for: "Let Amy handle her treatments well and let all the cancer be gone." Thank you for thinking of me from time to time and for all your positive thoughts and sweet cards and emails, it continues to keep my, what some might define as pathologically good spirits, high.
Hope you are all well, that you are enjoying life and appreciating all your blessings, large & small.
Love & light,